How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App (With Examples)
Last Updated: March 2026
Why Do Most Opening Messages on Dating Apps Get Ignored?
💡Most openers fail because they're generic ('hey'), require no thought, and give the other person nothing to respond to — personalised messages get 3x more replies.
The data is consistent across platforms: personalised messages that reference something specific from the other person's profile receive dramatically more responses than generic greetings. Hinge reports that messages referencing a specific photo or prompt get 3x the response rate of "hey." Yet most people still open with "hey" or "how are you?" This article provides a formula and examples that work.
What Is the Best Formula for an Opening Message?
💡The best formula is: specific observation about their profile + open-ended question = personalised opener that invites conversation.
| Their Profile Says | Your Opener | Why It Works |
|---|---|---|
| Photo hiking in the Lake District | "The Lakes! That looks like Helvellyn — is it? I did Striding Edge last summer and nearly cried" | Specific, shared interest, self-deprecating, question |
| Bio mentions sourdough | "A fellow sourdough person! What hydration do you go for? Mine is about 75% and my kitchen is 100% flour" | Niche interest, humour, invites expertise-sharing |
| Prompt: "My simple pleasures: thunderstorms and good coffee" | "Thunderstorm coffee is the best combination. What's your go-to coffee order?" | Validates their interest, easy question |
| Photo with a dog | "OK but your dog is the real star here. What's their name and do they have an Instagram?" | Warm, playful, people love talking about pets |
| Bio says "I judge cities by their kebab shops" | "Controversial take: best kebab in [your city] is [specific place]. Fight me." | Matches their energy, invites playful debate |
What Opening Messages Should You Avoid?
💡Avoid 'hey,' physical compliments as openers, copy-paste messages, interview questions, and anything that could be sent to anyone without reading their profile.
| Bad Opener | Why It Fails | Better Alternative |
|---|---|---|
| "Hey" / "Hi" / "Hey, how's it going?" | Zero effort, gives nothing to respond to | Any personalised message |
| "You're gorgeous" | Flattering but shallow; no conversation thread | Comment on something specific beyond appearance |
| "What do you do for work?" | Interview mode; predictable | "What do you enjoy most about your week?" |
| Copy-paste long message | Feels generic even if long | Shorter but specific to their profile |
| Pickup lines | Cheesy, impersonal | Genuine personality |
How Do You Keep the Conversation Going After the Opener?
💡Follow the thread they give you, share something about yourself in return, ask follow-up questions, and move towards a video call or date within 5–10 message exchanges.
| Stage | Messages | Goal | Tip |
|---|---|---|---|
| Opening | 1–3 | Establish rapport | Be specific, be yourself |
| Discovery | 3–7 | Find common ground | Share as much as you ask |
| Connection | 7–10 | Determine chemistry | Ask about values, not just facts |
| Transition | 10–15 | Move to video call or date | "I'm enjoying this — fancy a video call / coffee?" |
When Should You Suggest Meeting Up?
💡Suggest a video call after 5–10 good exchanges, and an in-person date after a successful video call — don't let messaging go on for weeks.
| Timing | Signal to Move Forward |
|---|---|
| After 5–10 messages | Conversation flows naturally, shared interests identified |
| Both responding quickly | Mutual enthusiasm suggests readiness |
| Running out of text topics | Better to meet than force text conversation |
| They drop hints | "We should try that place" = they want to meet |
How to suggest it: "I'm really enjoying chatting — fancy a video call sometime this week?" or "Would you be up for grabbing a coffee? I know a great place in [area]."